Tuesday, August 30, 2016
When You Least Expect It.......
Have you ever been bogged down by doubt, disappointment, regret, and despair? Sometimes life just delivers blow after blow and it feels like it will never end. I don't want to camp out here and the details don't need to be shared, but this has been my family's life this year. We have had it.
But then, when you least expect it, there is more joy than you can possibly contain. Things start to work out and slowly but surely hope is restored. All of a sudden, or maybe bit by bit, you can imagine a day when you smile more than you frown and worry is no longer a constant companion. Sometimes it takes a month and sometimes a year, but joy always comes after the storm, right?
We have found it. There have been large and small developments that have moved us past the disappointment but I would have to say that much of the hope we have found is due to Angie's amazing accomplishments this summer.
I wrote about the TOP Soccer program for children with special needs in a previous post. Angie was thrilled to play soccer for the first time this summer and I would not hesitate to say that the high school soccer players who taught her were equally blessed. Tonight, Angie was able to be introduced as a special guest at the opening high school soccer game. As you can see, she was pretty excited:
Angie started another series of Anat Baniel Method lessons this week and the results are far beyond our expectations. Since her last series about four weeks ago, she has continued to surprise us with new skills and abilities. It is as if the lessons have brought her brain out of a long hibernation and now anything goes. She is using her right arm and hand in new ways almost every single day. But the motor changes are not the only gains she is making. Her cognitive awareness and abilities are growing too. She is naming sight words, using a much larger vocabulary, and interacting with us on a much deeper level. Her provider, Kathy, is amazing and I could watch the sessions all day long........she is that good! And, it doesn't hurt that she and Angie have formed a strong connection to one another. Angie LOVES her time with Kathy!
We have crossed one more hurdle towards finalizing Angie's adoption. This one was frustrating for me as our family's situation had to be presented before a neutral committee so they could decide if we could be officially appointed as Angie's adoptive family. As the date of the meeting approached, we were contacted repeatedly by a DHS caseworker and grilled about facts, figures, and irrelevant information with the premise of "building our case". To be honest, I was offended. Angie has been in our home since the day we picked her up from the hospital over eight years ago and if we have not proven our devotion to her by now we never will. We had already participated in a 3-hour home study months ago. Angie is the heart of our family and facts and figures will never define our relationship. The child welfare system is broken and the resources should instead be used to protect endangered children, not put our family under a microscope. At the end of the day, we were "chosen" and now we can move forward through the remaining bureaucracy to become Angie's forever family.
Angie is set to start second grade next week and I feel that this could be her best year yet. We have so much new information to support her education and she is just blossoming before our eyes. So much joy. I met with her school team to plan her schedule this week and she is one lucky girl to have such a caring, creative team to support her at school. If you are a parent of a child with special needs you know how very uncommon this can be. We do not take it for granted and we are grateful for another reason to hope.
I am grateful for the joy we are discovering and for the end of the dark days, at least for now. The new school year always feels like a new beginning and for us this year it is especially true. There is so much to hope for and the waiting, though hard, is worth it.
But then, when you least expect it, there is more joy than you can possibly contain. Things start to work out and slowly but surely hope is restored. All of a sudden, or maybe bit by bit, you can imagine a day when you smile more than you frown and worry is no longer a constant companion. Sometimes it takes a month and sometimes a year, but joy always comes after the storm, right?
We have found it. There have been large and small developments that have moved us past the disappointment but I would have to say that much of the hope we have found is due to Angie's amazing accomplishments this summer.
I wrote about the TOP Soccer program for children with special needs in a previous post. Angie was thrilled to play soccer for the first time this summer and I would not hesitate to say that the high school soccer players who taught her were equally blessed. Tonight, Angie was able to be introduced as a special guest at the opening high school soccer game. As you can see, she was pretty excited:
Angie started another series of Anat Baniel Method lessons this week and the results are far beyond our expectations. Since her last series about four weeks ago, she has continued to surprise us with new skills and abilities. It is as if the lessons have brought her brain out of a long hibernation and now anything goes. She is using her right arm and hand in new ways almost every single day. But the motor changes are not the only gains she is making. Her cognitive awareness and abilities are growing too. She is naming sight words, using a much larger vocabulary, and interacting with us on a much deeper level. Her provider, Kathy, is amazing and I could watch the sessions all day long........she is that good! And, it doesn't hurt that she and Angie have formed a strong connection to one another. Angie LOVES her time with Kathy!
We have crossed one more hurdle towards finalizing Angie's adoption. This one was frustrating for me as our family's situation had to be presented before a neutral committee so they could decide if we could be officially appointed as Angie's adoptive family. As the date of the meeting approached, we were contacted repeatedly by a DHS caseworker and grilled about facts, figures, and irrelevant information with the premise of "building our case". To be honest, I was offended. Angie has been in our home since the day we picked her up from the hospital over eight years ago and if we have not proven our devotion to her by now we never will. We had already participated in a 3-hour home study months ago. Angie is the heart of our family and facts and figures will never define our relationship. The child welfare system is broken and the resources should instead be used to protect endangered children, not put our family under a microscope. At the end of the day, we were "chosen" and now we can move forward through the remaining bureaucracy to become Angie's forever family.
Angie is set to start second grade next week and I feel that this could be her best year yet. We have so much new information to support her education and she is just blossoming before our eyes. So much joy. I met with her school team to plan her schedule this week and she is one lucky girl to have such a caring, creative team to support her at school. If you are a parent of a child with special needs you know how very uncommon this can be. We do not take it for granted and we are grateful for another reason to hope.
I am grateful for the joy we are discovering and for the end of the dark days, at least for now. The new school year always feels like a new beginning and for us this year it is especially true. There is so much to hope for and the waiting, though hard, is worth it.
Monday, August 15, 2016
The Best Summer
Our girl is having the best summer! When I think back to the child who completed first grade in June, I can hardly believe she is the same person. Angie has grown in so many ways this summer. Since we returned from the conference in Denver, Angie has had a series of lessons in the Anat Baniel Method. This treatment has literally changed our lives. If you are interested in the ABM philosophy and its ability to change the brain in both children and adults, you can check out this link: http://www.anatbanielmethod.com.
Since Angie had her first series of lessons, she has begun to recognize her right arm and hand and her ability to use them. This is so huge! Angie now hugs us with two arms and holds our hand with "Righty". She is beginning to use move her right arm when swimming. None of this was possible before ABM. Besides the motor changes, we are also seeing cognitive growth. Angie is more aware of her environment and she is learning and taking in information at an amazing rate. We are extremely encouraged by these developments and we have scheduled another series of ABM lessons in Portland for the end of this month.
We continue to move through the adoption process, as one might walk through frozen quicksand. If it were up to us, Angie would have been adopted forever ago, but most (ALL) of the process is out of our hands. Next week, her case will be presented before an adoption committee who will decide if we should be chosen as her adoptive parents. Don't even get me started! If she was not meant to be with us after eight years in our home, someone messed up a long time ago by leaving her there. God must have thought I needed to practice my patience, but we will get there eventually and it will be worth every minute of waiting.
Last weekend, Angie spent time with Kirsten and Jordan. She went to the zoo, played at a splash pad, and shopped at the Saturday Market. Toby and I enjoyed a rare weekend with NO CHILDREN at home. We are so blessed to have adult children who embrace Angie and love her as if she were their own. She thrives on spending time with them and I think she appreciates the break from her "boring" mother. I am proud of the empathy and compassion my children have, not only for Angie, but for anyone who experiences challenges or is in need. They are exceptional people and are better for having Angie in their lives. I would dare to say that about everyone who knows Angie.
We will meet with Angie's school team soon to plan her program for this year. Angie has a great team who is anxious to help her any way they can. I am hopeful that this will be one of her best years yet, and again I am grateful. We could not ask for a more responsive, creative team of people to care for and to support Angie at school. God has provided for all of her needs, in every way, every single day. Who could ask for more?
Friday, August 5, 2016
One Week
One week. So much can change. I do not want to make this post about sadness, but about hope, and about a family that loves their child so much that they would do anything for him.
Early this Spring, Levi's behaviors began to escalate. Because of his diagnosis, he is prone to making poor, even dangerous, decisions due to his lack of impulse control. He is unable to predict the consequences of his actions or to plan what he would do in an emergency and he is vulnerable to victimization. At age 14, his challenges are not new but the consequences that can occur are much more serious than when he was 5 or 6. Despite his caring, compassionate nature and eagerness to please, his behaviors began to put him, and possibly others, in danger.
When we realized that our home, the community, and Levi's school were no longer a safe environment for Levi, we worked with our disability services provider to make a plan for him to move to a group home. We agonized, denied and justified for months before acknowledging this was the best option for Levi. We explored all options and we accessed every service available to try to keep him at home, having multiple providers in our home each week. A family does not and cannot come to such a decision without serious turmoil.
Now, though, we have hope. We declined the first placement that was offered for Levi because the home was not a good fit for his needs. Three weeks later we learned of another placement option and everything we heard sounded perfect for Levi. Levi was prepared for the move and he was included in the planning, but it still came up very quickly and they were ready for him to come within a week. Last Thursday, Levi moved to what will be his home for now in Washington County.
It is hard to put my feelings into words as we adjust to a new normal at home, but it is not my feelings that are important, it is Levi. He has been offered an opportunity to learn and grow in an environment that is safe for him. He will attend school in a large district with the resources to meet his needs. Levi has become active in the community and he has daily opportunities to learn important life skills. He has new friends with common interests. He is already thriving.
Levi is our son today as much as he was last Thursday. We will have home visits, family vacations, phone calls and date nights to keep him close. We will cheer for his victories and will support him in his new interests. This is not the end of our story as a family, it is just the beginning.
Early this Spring, Levi's behaviors began to escalate. Because of his diagnosis, he is prone to making poor, even dangerous, decisions due to his lack of impulse control. He is unable to predict the consequences of his actions or to plan what he would do in an emergency and he is vulnerable to victimization. At age 14, his challenges are not new but the consequences that can occur are much more serious than when he was 5 or 6. Despite his caring, compassionate nature and eagerness to please, his behaviors began to put him, and possibly others, in danger.
When we realized that our home, the community, and Levi's school were no longer a safe environment for Levi, we worked with our disability services provider to make a plan for him to move to a group home. We agonized, denied and justified for months before acknowledging this was the best option for Levi. We explored all options and we accessed every service available to try to keep him at home, having multiple providers in our home each week. A family does not and cannot come to such a decision without serious turmoil.
Now, though, we have hope. We declined the first placement that was offered for Levi because the home was not a good fit for his needs. Three weeks later we learned of another placement option and everything we heard sounded perfect for Levi. Levi was prepared for the move and he was included in the planning, but it still came up very quickly and they were ready for him to come within a week. Last Thursday, Levi moved to what will be his home for now in Washington County.
It is hard to put my feelings into words as we adjust to a new normal at home, but it is not my feelings that are important, it is Levi. He has been offered an opportunity to learn and grow in an environment that is safe for him. He will attend school in a large district with the resources to meet his needs. Levi has become active in the community and he has daily opportunities to learn important life skills. He has new friends with common interests. He is already thriving.
Levi is our son today as much as he was last Thursday. We will have home visits, family vacations, phone calls and date nights to keep him close. We will cheer for his victories and will support him in his new interests. This is not the end of our story as a family, it is just the beginning.
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