It feels a little bit like we are on a runaway train these days. So much going on, I don't even know where to begin....
We have another sort-term visitor in our home. I have said this before, but this time I am really blown away. For the first time, my work life and foster care have intersected in an unexpected way. The child in our home is a child who was previously on my caseload when I was a Family Resource Coordinator. He left my center almost two years ago and I never dreamed we would meet again this way. This little guy has extreme special needs and we will care for him for a short time until he can be settled in a suitable placement. Toby and I are overwhelmed by the emotions this child creates in us. He is sweet, engaging, expressive, and completely nonverbal. He has unlimited potential and he will need someone to take the time to nurture and encourage his growth. Please keep this special boy in your prayers. He needs someone to love him unconditionally and to dedicate themselves to his cause.
Angie, our own special angel, is absolutely thriving. She amazes me every day and she has grown so much this year. This girl is so ready for first grade that it is almost a shame she has to wait. I have to share that the compassion that Angie has for our little guy makes me tear up as I watch her. She is so nurturing and kind that I truly want to cry. You are probably tired of hearing this, but really, God sent sent this child as a gift, a teacher for us all. She is unbelievable.
There is so much that I can't share, because my family's privacy is so important to me. The past few weeks have been life-changing for me. We are undergoing long-awaited healing on so many fronts. I can't wait to share it all.
For now, know that we need your prayers. Angie is having tests and evaluations that will determine which treatments she will have in the future. We continue to battle insurance denials. Don't even get me started on that subject! Levi has had some testing at school this week that could provide important information for him. Kirsten passed her nursing licensing exam this week and is deciding how to move forward. Josh needs normal parenting guidance, which we barely remember how to give. Never a dull moment in the Harris house!
Please know how much we treasure your prayers and kind thoughts. We are no different than any other family, we just share our struggles here with you. Everyone is struggling, and we know that. Life is hard and we need each other. I hope you will send me a private message if I can help or support you in any way. Until then...........you will be in my heart.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Monday, April 20, 2015
The Sunshine after the Rain
Last week was one of the worst I can remember. So many disappointments and frustrations. Exhaustion and defeat galore. All to build my character, I am sure, but still. And then, at the end of the week, we learned that a 19 year-old girl in our online Sturge-Weber group passed away due to complications from Sturge-Weber syndrome. Fear struck my heart like a lightening bolt. Nicole had bilateral disease like Angie and her life was, of course, precious to all who knew her. How do I move on? And then this weekend.....complete joy!
Levi came home for an overnight visit, as he has on the past several weekends. Last weekend, I thought I noticed a change in him. This week, I knew. He has changed. The anxious, easily upset, unpredictable child has been replaced with a calm gentle boy. He has learned new coping skills and he is working hard to apply them. Where he would have had an emotional outburst before, he can now walk away. I heard him singing the "clean up" song and he was in Angie's room helping the 3 year-old who was with us for the weekend clean up the toys. That never would have happened in the past. The time went far too fast with this new boy and I was sad to see him leave. I miss him so much during the week, but I am now so excited for the next visit to see more evidence of the changes occurring in him.
What happened, you ask? I am not positive but I think it the difference in a child who is getting his needs met. He is living in a highly structured environment and he is learning the skills he needs to manage his emotions and behavior. Levi is thriving in school and the direct result is newfound confidence that drives him to continue working hard. He is surrounded by a staff of awesome adults who want him to be successful and they have invested time and energy to guide and direct him. They truly care for him and it shows.
We could not have chosen a better program for Levi. Our hearts were broken to have him move, but the rewards are exponentially worth it. It was not about us, after all, but about his needs. One more huge step towards healing for our family, for when one of us hurts, we all hurt. Bring on the weekends, regardless of the week proceeding them. This family is on a roll!
Levi came home for an overnight visit, as he has on the past several weekends. Last weekend, I thought I noticed a change in him. This week, I knew. He has changed. The anxious, easily upset, unpredictable child has been replaced with a calm gentle boy. He has learned new coping skills and he is working hard to apply them. Where he would have had an emotional outburst before, he can now walk away. I heard him singing the "clean up" song and he was in Angie's room helping the 3 year-old who was with us for the weekend clean up the toys. That never would have happened in the past. The time went far too fast with this new boy and I was sad to see him leave. I miss him so much during the week, but I am now so excited for the next visit to see more evidence of the changes occurring in him.
What happened, you ask? I am not positive but I think it the difference in a child who is getting his needs met. He is living in a highly structured environment and he is learning the skills he needs to manage his emotions and behavior. Levi is thriving in school and the direct result is newfound confidence that drives him to continue working hard. He is surrounded by a staff of awesome adults who want him to be successful and they have invested time and energy to guide and direct him. They truly care for him and it shows.
We could not have chosen a better program for Levi. Our hearts were broken to have him move, but the rewards are exponentially worth it. It was not about us, after all, but about his needs. One more huge step towards healing for our family, for when one of us hurts, we all hurt. Bring on the weekends, regardless of the week proceeding them. This family is on a roll!
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Out of the Woods
We had a home visit from a nurse tonight. She comes every six months observe the administration of Angie's medications through her G-tube and to "sign-off" on the procedure. Visits like this snap me out of my thinking that we are a typical family with normal issues to deal with. We aren't. Oh, we have plenty of normal issues, but we have something else too.
We have two children with serious medical and developmental concerns and we will never be "out of the woods" so to speak. We will never be certain of their future health. Tonight I read a blog that completely sums it up so I am sharing it here:
http://themighty.com/2015/04/when-your-medically-complex-child-is-never-really-out-of-the-woods/
Angie and Levi both are participating in community and school activities that we never dreamed would be possible for them. It is amazing, their strength and courage. And yet, both have life-long disabilities with serious implications. Angie is being evaluated (again) for hearing loss and possible shoulder surgery this week. Next week, glaucoma and a consult with a sleep clinic. Soon, new therapies and chiropractic will be added. Her seizure control is constantly in jeopardy and we are ever watchful for unusual movements or behaviors. Levi also has regular evaluations and therapies to determine how his needs can be met.
So, I can relate to the blog writer's feeling that the family is never "out of the woods". You know what though? I choose not to pitch my tent in the woods. Instead, I am thankful for the courage my children possess. I am thankful, in a very intentional way, for every single day with my children. I know what it feels like to be on the edge of disaster. And to experience a miracle and be given another chance.
Yes, I suppose we are still in the woods. But life here is beautiful and precious and I would choose it over again in a minute.
We have two children with serious medical and developmental concerns and we will never be "out of the woods" so to speak. We will never be certain of their future health. Tonight I read a blog that completely sums it up so I am sharing it here:
http://themighty.com/2015/04/when-your-medically-complex-child-is-never-really-out-of-the-woods/
Angie and Levi both are participating in community and school activities that we never dreamed would be possible for them. It is amazing, their strength and courage. And yet, both have life-long disabilities with serious implications. Angie is being evaluated (again) for hearing loss and possible shoulder surgery this week. Next week, glaucoma and a consult with a sleep clinic. Soon, new therapies and chiropractic will be added. Her seizure control is constantly in jeopardy and we are ever watchful for unusual movements or behaviors. Levi also has regular evaluations and therapies to determine how his needs can be met.
So, I can relate to the blog writer's feeling that the family is never "out of the woods". You know what though? I choose not to pitch my tent in the woods. Instead, I am thankful for the courage my children possess. I am thankful, in a very intentional way, for every single day with my children. I know what it feels like to be on the edge of disaster. And to experience a miracle and be given another chance.
Yes, I suppose we are still in the woods. But life here is beautiful and precious and I would choose it over again in a minute.
Monday, April 6, 2015
About Adoption
I have been thinking about adoption lately. I think it may have something to do with the small boy who came into our home and split my heart wide open this week. Not because I want to adopt him, but because I pray that someone else will.
You see, he will need to be adopted at some point. He is not going to return to his biological parents. Knowing this has caused me to think he will someday be a child of adoption. Adopted. Chosen. I want so much for this little angel to have parents who have longed to become parents. I want him to be their dream-come-true, their everything. I want them to be unable to imagine life without him and to wonder at their good fortune for being chosen for him. I want them to see past his challenges through to his beautiful soul. All children deserve that, don't they? Especially children who have been bruised, broken, and neglected. Separated from their families for the sake of safety. I want him to be chosen, loved, and treasured.
I myself was adopted and I have known the joys of adoption from both sides of the mirror. As an adoptee and as an adoptive parent. As an adoptee, I was surrendered by my biological mother, who was young, single, and unprepared, to parents who had experienced the devastating loss of 3 premature infants. It is a miracle, really, how God places children in families. Birth families and adoptive families alike are given exactly the child or children that God has chosen for them to raise, to guide and protect until He returns them home to Heaven. It could be a few days, or many, many years. Either way, it was decided long before we put our human touch on it. The concept is mind-boggling.
The boys that Toby and I have adopted have completed our family perfectly. We didn't know we were missing them until they came, and then we knew immediately. They were ours. Just like that, we knew. In the 15 years that we have been providing foster care, this has only happened one other time and then it was not meant to be. We loved the other 50+ children we cared for too, but we knew we were not to be their forever family. With Josh and Levi, we recognized them as our children long before we knew they would be able to stay. Our love for them is matched only by our love for our biological children. In fact, we sometimes say we have forgotten which of our kids we adopted:)
I read a blog entry today that I want to share. It is kind of long, but well worth reading to get an honest look at the adoption process through the eyes of adoptive parents. It is found here:
http://www.chsfs.org/blog/dear-moms-adopted-children#.U0a5U239p-M.facebook
Adoption is not for everyone, by any means. Most families in the world will be formed through biology. I hope, though, for the little monkey in my home, that there is family out there wishing, praying, to complete their family with a special little boy. Waiting for their dreams to come true while making his come true too.
You see, he will need to be adopted at some point. He is not going to return to his biological parents. Knowing this has caused me to think he will someday be a child of adoption. Adopted. Chosen. I want so much for this little angel to have parents who have longed to become parents. I want him to be their dream-come-true, their everything. I want them to be unable to imagine life without him and to wonder at their good fortune for being chosen for him. I want them to see past his challenges through to his beautiful soul. All children deserve that, don't they? Especially children who have been bruised, broken, and neglected. Separated from their families for the sake of safety. I want him to be chosen, loved, and treasured.
I myself was adopted and I have known the joys of adoption from both sides of the mirror. As an adoptee and as an adoptive parent. As an adoptee, I was surrendered by my biological mother, who was young, single, and unprepared, to parents who had experienced the devastating loss of 3 premature infants. It is a miracle, really, how God places children in families. Birth families and adoptive families alike are given exactly the child or children that God has chosen for them to raise, to guide and protect until He returns them home to Heaven. It could be a few days, or many, many years. Either way, it was decided long before we put our human touch on it. The concept is mind-boggling.
The boys that Toby and I have adopted have completed our family perfectly. We didn't know we were missing them until they came, and then we knew immediately. They were ours. Just like that, we knew. In the 15 years that we have been providing foster care, this has only happened one other time and then it was not meant to be. We loved the other 50+ children we cared for too, but we knew we were not to be their forever family. With Josh and Levi, we recognized them as our children long before we knew they would be able to stay. Our love for them is matched only by our love for our biological children. In fact, we sometimes say we have forgotten which of our kids we adopted:)
I read a blog entry today that I want to share. It is kind of long, but well worth reading to get an honest look at the adoption process through the eyes of adoptive parents. It is found here:
http://www.chsfs.org/blog/dear-moms-adopted-children#.U0a5U239p-M.facebook
Adoption is not for everyone, by any means. Most families in the world will be formed through biology. I hope, though, for the little monkey in my home, that there is family out there wishing, praying, to complete their family with a special little boy. Waiting for their dreams to come true while making his come true too.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Today, I have been thinking about how much my life has changed since Angie came into our family. I am not exactly sure why. Maybe because her birthday is coming soon and I cannot believe it has been almost 7 YEARS since this precious child came into my heart. I have been taking a little walk down Memory Lane.
I was thinking of all of the experiences I would have missed, if not for Angie's presence in my life. Completely aside from experiencing the joy that overflows from her to all who are in her midst, without Angie I would not have:
1) Watched my other children develop an immense tenderness and compassion that comes from living with a child with special needs. My children's protectiveness and propriety over Angie will carry over to others in their lives who will reap the benefits of their experiences.
2) Been touched by the kindness of strangers. The couple who paid for our meal when Angie and I were in a restaurant while she was still in rehab from her surgery. The stranger who approached us at the mall and told me that she could see that Angie's beauty came from the inside out. The college student who carried Angie and her wheelchair down a flight of stairs so we would not be late for our appointment. The little girl at the hospital who hugged Angie hundreds of times while they waited for equally painful procedures. The parents who asked about Angie instead of staring and guiding
their children away. You get it. There are been so many examples proving that people are inherently good. Giving me hope when I needed it most.
3) Experienced the best of the best medical professionals who truly care about patients and their families. The kind words, special care, compassionate words, and honest answers. Doctors and nurses are my heroes and I have witnessed extraordinary measures on my child's behalf.
4) Observed a miracle of unknown proportions through the process of Angie's brain surgery. Not only did I learn that a major hospital was willing to perform the surgery at a fraction of the actual (shocking) cost, but we witnessed a complete transformation of a child who no longer suffered debilitating seizures.
5) Had my priorities and perspective completely re-arranged. In light of Angie's strength and courage, I have little to complain about. I can put many of life's little worries aside and focus on what I now know is important-relationships and living in the moment we are in. The past and the future cannot be changed by worrying.
I never dreamed that my life would be changed by a precious child who came into my family as a short-term placement and planted herself in our hearts for eternity. Our journey is not over and I know there are tough days ahead. Angie's disease is progressive and I can't ignore that, but I know that God is preparing me for what is ahead with every experience along the way. I am not going to waste a minute of this and I hope you won't, either. We can all learn so much from Angie's journey.....
I was thinking of all of the experiences I would have missed, if not for Angie's presence in my life. Completely aside from experiencing the joy that overflows from her to all who are in her midst, without Angie I would not have:
1) Watched my other children develop an immense tenderness and compassion that comes from living with a child with special needs. My children's protectiveness and propriety over Angie will carry over to others in their lives who will reap the benefits of their experiences.
2) Been touched by the kindness of strangers. The couple who paid for our meal when Angie and I were in a restaurant while she was still in rehab from her surgery. The stranger who approached us at the mall and told me that she could see that Angie's beauty came from the inside out. The college student who carried Angie and her wheelchair down a flight of stairs so we would not be late for our appointment. The little girl at the hospital who hugged Angie hundreds of times while they waited for equally painful procedures. The parents who asked about Angie instead of staring and guiding
their children away. You get it. There are been so many examples proving that people are inherently good. Giving me hope when I needed it most.
3) Experienced the best of the best medical professionals who truly care about patients and their families. The kind words, special care, compassionate words, and honest answers. Doctors and nurses are my heroes and I have witnessed extraordinary measures on my child's behalf.
4) Observed a miracle of unknown proportions through the process of Angie's brain surgery. Not only did I learn that a major hospital was willing to perform the surgery at a fraction of the actual (shocking) cost, but we witnessed a complete transformation of a child who no longer suffered debilitating seizures.
5) Had my priorities and perspective completely re-arranged. In light of Angie's strength and courage, I have little to complain about. I can put many of life's little worries aside and focus on what I now know is important-relationships and living in the moment we are in. The past and the future cannot be changed by worrying.
I never dreamed that my life would be changed by a precious child who came into my family as a short-term placement and planted herself in our hearts for eternity. Our journey is not over and I know there are tough days ahead. Angie's disease is progressive and I can't ignore that, but I know that God is preparing me for what is ahead with every experience along the way. I am not going to waste a minute of this and I hope you won't, either. We can all learn so much from Angie's journey.....
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