2,632 Days

Angie has been in our home for 2,632 days.  She recently said to me, out of the blue, as we drove home from a therapy appointment, "Mom, I am a foster child"  and a few days later, "I just want to be normal".  She broke my heart.  For 2,632 days we have wanted Angie to be a legal member of our family.  Prayed for it, ached for it, even almost begged for it.

Recently, we asked again.  I think DHS was just fed up with us by this time, because the answer was different.  This time, it was "maybe".   The reason Angie's case did not include a plan for her adoption is because of her significant medical and developmental needs.  The support we have received from the foster care system allowed us to get the therapies and medical care that Angie needs.  She has needed so much and her future is still uncertain, so we have understood the state's hesitation.  But, today, the "maybe" turned into a "yes".  YES!!!!!!!!!!!

Adoption from foster care is complicated, especially for a child like Angie.  I will not bore you with the details but there is something important you need to understand...........as ecstatic as we are about adopting Angie, we also recognize her family's loss.  We were given a gift today.  Angie's biological mother agreed to relinquish her parental rights so we can adopt Angie and become her forever family.  She didn't have to.  Chances are we still would have been able to adopt, but it would have been different because we would feel that we had taken something away from her other mother.  Instead, what we want most in the world was given to us.  I don't know about you, but I cannot imagine giving up my rights to a child I grew and delivered.  In my opinion, it is most selfless act imaginable and she will carry the weight of her decision always.  I have run out of words to describe my gratitude, but I hope she knows.

As for Angie, she will get what she has wanted most, and we didn't even know it.  Angie will have a forever family and she will grow up drenched in the love of two families.  She deserves this, and so much more.  

Pure Determination

Despite the fact that it is Summer, which means rest and relaxation, Angie is back in Occupational Therapy working hard every week.  She has always worked hard in therapy but this Angie is showing persistence and determination unlike anything I have seen before.  Her long-time therapist, Laura, agrees.  The girl is on fire!

Since starting therapy last month, Angie has mastered undressing independently.  This may seem like something to take for granted at age 7, but if you think so, try doing it with one hand and a shoulder with minimal mobility.  One day, Laura led Angie through the steps of taking her shirt off, and one week later, she was doing all of her undressing without help.  Angie is so stoic and brave about tackling new, challenging tasks.  She simply decides she will do it and then she does.  I admire her so much, it is hard to put into words.

Today, Laura brought out a pair of adapted scissors for Angie to try with her weak hand, affectionately named "Righty".  First, Angie struggled to get "Righty" onto the scissors but she kept trying and after having to replace her arm on the scissors many, many times, she was able to cut through the paper.  As I watched her, I knew what I would do in her place.  I would say, "This arm doesn't work" and I would get up and leave the table.  Wouldn't you?  In fact, as I watched I wanted to rescue her and tell Laura it was too hard.  But I sat.  And I knew she would overcome the obstacle, as she always does.

What happens to us as we get older that makes us forget our power? Why do we assume we will fail instead of doing as Angie does and assume we will succeed? Or is it her?  I think most kids have a certain resilience and strength that somehow recedes as they age.  But I also believe Angie has something special.  She does not see herself as weaker or less important than her peers.  She does not consider the reasons she might fail, only seeing how she can overcome.

Angie is a gift to me, and to our family.  She has given me hope and courage beyond what I had before I met her.  Every day, I am excited to see what she will teach me, what new skill she will learn.  And I watch her to try to absorb what I might do to embrace her can't-fail attitude.  I am not there yet, but tomorrow is another day.

Beach Trip

I have been AWOL from my blog for a while and I am glad to be back.  To be honest, like I promised I would be, I got a nasty Facebook comment about my last blog entry and I was pretty shell-shocked.  So, before I continue, I will urge you to quit reading if you don't want to hear about my family and/or my life.  That's what my blog is about.

We have been doing summer.  I have been on vacation from work for the past two weeks and have enjoyed a ton of family time.  We rented a house at the beach and we celebrated our dear friends' 30th anniversary as they renewed their wedding vows.

Kirk and Lora were some of our first friends when we moved to Clatskanie and we have one of those friendships that picks up where it left off regardless of how long it is between visits.  They live in Iowa now and we are able to visit every year or two.

Our kids love the beach and the boys scared me to death by climbing every large rock formation they could find:

We flew a kite, played on the beach, laughed, and rode the rides.  It was perfect.

We made precious memories together as a family.  As my children have grown older, and some have moved away, I have come to value these times above all else.  As Michael J. Fox says, "Family is not the most important thing, it is everything."