One Step Closer

We are one step closer to adoption tonight. Angie had an evaluation today to help determine her ongoing needs.  It felt like many of the appointments we have endured in the past, except that now we are one step closer.

When I get impatient, I try to remember how far we have come and how much growth our family has experienced.  So much has happened since we met our girl.  The other day, during an appointment at Doernbecher Children's Hospital, I looked around at the parents with infants and toddlers and I wished it was appropriate to approach them to offer some words of encouragement.  They all looked so worried, as I am sure there were many questions still unanswered.

If I could have, I would have told them this: "I know it hard to picture any good coming from your child's diagnosis, but it will, I promise.  You will learn that every milestone will come harder and maybe later, but will be a gift from God and you will know He exists.  You will find joy in every smile, every word, every step, beyond what you ever imagined.  Your child will spread his or her joy to all that they encounter.  You will meet doctors and other professionals that will renew your hope, time and time again.  You are stronger than you know, even when you don't feel it.  There will be hard days and nights and your faith will waver, but know that you are not alone. You can do this."

I thought about the parents all day and I am thinking of them still.  I wish I could help.  For now, I will try to be patient in our process.  Angie will be adopted, I am confident of that.  In the meantime, I have her contagious laugh and unwavering determination to get me through each day.  A friend called me today to say she was just thinking about all of the lives that Angie has touched and changed.  God has used her challenges for good and He will continue to do so, both before and after her adoption.

Who knew that she would become this beautiful, amazing girl?  I came in from a meeting tonight and she was almost asleep. As I leaned over to kiss her goodnight, she said, "Mom, I want to get adopted and I am going to."  Yes, my love.  Yes, you are.

Life in a Fishbowl

I have been silent here for awhile and I truly have not had the words to describe what we are going through.  So many challenges.  Private pain that cannot be shared.  You know those times, when the hits just keep coming? You can barely keep your head above the water? That has been our reality.

Angie's adoption is moving slowly forward  but we have been facing some huge roadblocks and disappointments.  What is truly best for her?  How can we make sure she has everything she needs? Some of Angie's past medical concerns are popping up and we are reminded how very tenuous her medical condition can be.  We are spending the month of February trying to get some answers for her, visiting multiple medical professionals each week.  If only we could predict the future. Or, trust and believe the state agency that is charged with her care.  We are really struggling.  One thing I know for sure, though, is that we want nothing more than to give Angie the desire of her heart-for us to be her forever family.

There are other challenges.  Our community is experiencing serious division and heartbreak.  My family has been directly affected and it hurts.  Toby is on the city council and he has received blame and judgment from individuals who have no knowledge of the facts.  This happens often, people jumping to conclusions based on rumors or facts taken out of context. Living in a small town can be compared to life in a fishbowl.  But certain details must be kept private and it creates confusion.  I admire Toby's perseverance when it would be just as easy to quit and let others pick up the pieces.  But it hurts.  We have lost friends and our family has been directly targeted.  Our children have been hurt.

As we walk through these dark days, we are grateful for dear friends who have come over to listen, advise, and to pray with us.  What else can we do?  After all, these struggles are just as much a part of God's plan for our life as the easy days are.  I need to remember that.  He knows what He is doing, even when we have no clue.  I still believe that God's hand is on our lives and He is not done.  He has worked miracles before and He can do it again.

Our family is strong. I am so proud of my children's response to adversity. They accept it and rise to the occasion, refusing to be overcome. They support and protect each other and they encourage when it is needed.  They are growing into amazing people who are going to make a difference in this world.  We may be shaken, but we will not be held down.