Whole 30 Challenge

Toby and I completed a "Whole 30" challenge today.  If you haven't heard of the Whole 30, it is a very limited eating plan designed to help people eliminate processed foods from their diet and to "clean up" their eating.  It is a rigid version of the Paleo diet.  When we told friends and family about our decision, we were asked why we chose to do it, and I answered with the textbook answer, " To change the way we eat."  This is true, but to be honest my diet was pretty healthy by most standards already.  I had already eliminated sugar and wheat about two months before.

Tonight, I realized what was driving us (I believe this is true for Toby too) was to take on a challenge that we could control.  Let me explain.  The environment in the Harris home is controlled by our two children with special needs.  It has to be.  At any given moment, one or both could present with an immediate need and we would have to respond quickly.  Challenging, yes.  Out of our control, yes.  The behaviors we deal with daily are unpredictable and probably would shock the outside observer. I won't elaborate, but please take my word for it.  We often burn the calories of a marathon runner before 7:30 AM just preparing the kids for the day.  All of our important decisions are made with regard for our children's current needs, rather than our own desires.

Don't get me wrong, we chose this life.  We have loved these two since they were newborns, both joining us straight from the hospital.  We knew about each child's potential needs before we made the commitment to parent them, but that doesn't mean that we don't struggle on a daily basis.  We do.  We are challenged to keep our sense of humor as we raise these particularly difficult children.  The saving grace is our exceptional relationship and ability to work together.

So, we took on the Whole 30 and looking back I realize we were thumbing our nose at difficult circumstances.  "Look at me", our dedication said, "I am in charge of this!".   Each of us struggled with different aspects of the plan. For Toby, the absence of bread and Big Macs.  For me, a glass of wine at the end of a long day.  But we did it.  I think our confidence in ourselves has been renewed at a critical, perfect time in our lives.  As our kids have grown, the early medical concerns have been replaced with even more difficult behavioral and educational issues.  We struggle to stay positive and often feel helpless to help our children. Or ourselves.  Recently, the task has been especially daunting.

I do not plan to go back to my old habits tomorrow.  I will adopt a version of the Whole 30 to maintain the benefits I am enjoying.  I appreciate the weight loss and added energy I am experiencing.  I am especially grateful, though, for the renewed confidence in my ability to tackle a challenge.  Good bye, Whole 30.  Hello, girl who knows she can take something on and come out on top:)

Letting go

Did you ever have something that you had to let go of, but you REALLY, REALLY didn't want to?  Knew you should ask for help but couldn't bring yourself to?  It can be like an out-of-body experience, watching from the outside but not knowing how to do what is necessary. Hanging on with all of your might, afraid of.....what?

I had to let go of my tight-fisted control of Angie's medical care today.  I had to admit that I cannot do it all and I must accept help.  But I didn't want to.  This morning, Angie was scheduled to have botox injections on her shoulder and I knew that I could not be away from work to take her.  The injections are an important and crucial treatment that keeps her comfortable and mobile. I didn't want to cancel. My amazing husband offered to take her, and I (with my tight fist) gratefully accepted.  He is truly my best friend and greatest supporter.  I knew she would be in good hands, and yet I instantly felt guilty for not being the one there with her.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  Why the guilt?

There is freedom in letting go, though.  Knowing that others are there to help carry the load is a relief and a gift, once you accept it.  It is healthy and it is good.  Guilt not included.

The two of them did not need me after all.  They had a great day together and called me on the way home to tell me about it.  As I sat at work, I got a little teary hearing Angie tell me about her visit to "Dr. Steve".  Before getting off the phone, she asked, "Mom, am I still the bravest girl you know?", Yes, Angie, absolutely. And today, I am feeling a little braver myself:)

We made it!

WE MADE IT!

We made it. This is where we are today. Looking back on the endless trips to Portland for therapy, the frequent medical appointments (sometimes 3 in one week), and the IEP meetings. The meltdowns, the late dinners, the insurance mixups, the time away from the rest of the family, the list goes on-and it was absolutely worth it!

The child we have today is a successful kindergarten student.  She is learning letters and sounds with the rest of her class.  Our child is potty trained.  She enjoys sleepovers and trips to the pumpkin patch with her adult sisters.  This child chooses hot or cold lunch and sits at the table with her friends to eat it.  She picks out a book from the school library each week and brings it home for us to read together.  Recently, this girl requested to ride to school in a car seat instead of a wheelchair-and now she is.  Our girl is participating in every moment of her life with anticipation of what comes next. She is free.

Gone is the child who refused to complete her work at school, had frequent meltdowns, and could not focus long on a lesson or activity.  Gone is the girl who rode in a wheelchair throughout the day and to and from school.  We do not miss the girl who needed constant supervision in case she had a seizure.  Or the child who needed to be watched for choking because she forgot to swallow her food.  That girl was before.

What we have now is the culmination of hours and hours of hard work and dedication by the huge team of people who make up Angie's team, past and present. Often, I asked myself, "Will all of this therapy and intervention really make a difference?". Today, I realize the answer is a resounding "YES!".  Either way, I would not regret the time spent on those appointments, but what a wonderful blessing to observe the resulting growth in this amazing child.

I have said it before, but I will say it until the day I die, because I do not forget for one moment that we have received a precious gift -"Thank you".  "Thank you" to all of the people responsible for giving Angie (and me) the encouragement to persevere and the knowledge that she is perfect just the way she is and always has been.  I could not ask for more.  You know who you are.  Thank you.

The Power of Prayer

On Sunday, our family went to church, as we almost always do.  As we walked in, the nice man and wife at the door handed us our church bulletins and I stepped forward to look for somewhere to sit.  As I moved, the man said, "Wait, I have to tell you something.  My wife and I have been praying for you."  I was touched.  "Thank you," I said, "Our family has a lot going on."  "No" he said, "We are praying for YOU."  Oh, wow.  I didn't know what to say. There was more.  "Your job is hard.  Your husband works long hours and volunteers in the community.  You have children with special needs and you manage to work too.  We know how hard it all must be and so we have been praying for you."

OH MY GOODNESS!  I have never felt so humbled and grateful in my entire life.  This couple, who I knew only from seeing them at church, was taking time out of their day to talk to God on my behalf.  I am overwhelmed.  I feel so special, and he could have told every person that came through the door that day the same thing and it wouldn't matter.  Why?  Because he took the time to encourage ME.  I was singled out.

It's not just that I believe in the power of prayer.  I do.  I firmly believe that prayer changes lives and that God hears our prayers, every single one.  I treasure their prayers on my behalf.  The bigger message from my new friend was, "We care for you".  Such a simple message and it took about 20 seconds to deliver.  As I think about our short conversation, I want to get behind this in a big way.  I had forgotten about the power our words have. Every single word we say affects those around us.  If we can bring a change by using our words to affect others positively we all win.  There are enough negative words floating around already.

I am going to make a commitment:  I will say something encouraging to one person per day.   Will you do it too?  You have 20 seconds, right?  I already know what will happen.  The person sending the message will be just as blessed as the recipient.  You watch, I am right.  You will be smiling for the rest of the day.  And who knows how you might change the day for the other person?

My friend at church was right, my job is hard.  So is yours.  And those of the people you and I come into contact with each day.

This is going to be awesome, I just know it.  I can't wait to hear your stories:)