Mother's Day

I feel like someone punched me in the stomach today.  It was not the Mother's Day I had imagined.  Oh, there were many sweet moments and my husband and children showered me with love and attention.  Toby made me the farm table I have been dreaming about for Mother's Day and this is what it looked like today:

I am truly in love with this table and I think I will be spending all my waking hours here this summer.  It is perfect.  

Kirsten and Ezra stayed over last night so they could go to church with us this morning.  As we were getting settled at church, I held Ezra while Kirsten found a place to put his car seat.  Then the unthinkable happened.......Ezra began to have a series of small seizures as I held him.  Panic set in on Kirsten's face and I began to have flashbacks to the body-wracking seizures that we watched in Angie too many times.  We are fortunate to have a very calm, clear-headed EMT in our congregation and he came over and reassured Kirsten that his condition did not appear life-threatening.  Kirsten called her pediatrician, who suggested that she take him to the hospital to be evaluated.

I wish I could tell you what caused Ezra's seizures. but as so often is the case, the doctors do not know.  Kirsten left the hospital without any answers and she is now at home feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.  I can tell you with a fair amount of certainty how she is feeling, because I have walked in her shoes.  She is terrified to walk out of the room for a minute in case the seizures return.  She is fearful that the cause of the episodes is the worst imaginable condition.  She worries that he will suffer seizures while she sleeps.  And so much more.

I am a firm believer that God plans our lives so that our past experiences teach us lessons that we can use in our future.  Once we learn, we will be given opportunities to help someone else in similar circumstances.  This is the circle of life.  But, I want to decline.  I don't wish seizures on another family, but please God, do not give me this opportunity with this baby.  Keep him healthy instead.  I am terrified for Kirsten and would do anything to take away her pain and uncertainty.  But that is not God's plan in our lives.  He has something else in mind.

I am grateful I was there with Kirsten today.  God is so good.  He did not allow this incident to happen when she was alone.  She is strong and brave and she loves her son powerfully.  She is an amazing mother.  I am unable to decline the opportunity. We will weather this storm together, and probably many more as we raise our families.  I am her mother after all, and I am here for the long haul.