The Bittersweet End

Endings are hard for me.  You too?  I know.  I have seen lots of encouraging boards on Pinterest talking about endings being the new beginnings.  A window closes so a door can be opened and all that.  But still.  This week I have come to terms with an ending that is approaching for our family-the end of our foster care career.

This decision has been a long time coming.  In fact, we have actually made the decision before but it did not last.  The phone rang and I begged my husband to take just one more child.  This time is different, though.  We are in a new reality as a family and foster care just does not fit where we are headed.  Earlier this week, Toby and I attended a court hearing for our precious little foster daughter.  I was questioned and accused in front of the court on repeated counts by a family member of the child and the decision became clear in my mind-I am done.  Make no mistake, in the past 14 years I have questioned and belittled by biological family members on a regular basis.  This was not the first time, but it will be the last.  We will see this case through and then we will be done.

Our family needs to be a family.  We need to rely on each other's strength and undivided attention to get through the challenges that come with raising children with significant, although very different, special needs.  Toby and I are faced with difficult decisions about how we can best keep our family safe and healthy and it is HARD.  Our hearts and minds are overwhelmed.

I love the mission of the foster care system-to keep kids safe and help then heal from past trauma until they can be with their parents again.  However, the mechanics and the barriers that exist in the foster care system have taken their toll.  It is hard work and a little piece of my heart has gone along with each child I have cared for.  The system as a whole does not work in the best interest of the child often enough.  It is broken, and unfortunately so are many of the children.

To my devoted foster parent friends, I applaud you for continuing down this grueling path.  You amaze me every day.  I will continue to be your biggest fan and supporter.  Of course, we will maintain our foster license because of Angie's situation and I will remain an advocate for children in and out of foster care.  And who knows what door will open next?