Kids don't belong to us. Or to anyone. Right? This has been on my mind a lot lately. Of course, we call them "our kids" to identify the relationship, but they are not objects to be possessed, they are precious individuals who need adults to love and protect them.
In my opinion, it is a parent's job to raise little individuals until they have learned the skills they need to be independent. For some of my kids, this has happened at age 18, for others, sadly, it may not happen at all. Either way, I am constantly aware of the need to teach them, build their character, and protect them from harm.
Some parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends of the family-who sometimes call themselves aunts and uncles-see it differently. They will argue until they are out of breath about the right to "have my kid" or "see my kid". And their lawyers are just as bad. I have seen families torn apart over their rights to a child and sadly the child's needs are completely ignored in the fight to the finish.
Recently, I have attended proceedings involving the child welfare system that have left me sick to my stomach. Listening to adults argue about their right to a child as if he or she were the last doughnut on the plate. Everyone wants to "win" and it makes me ill. This is not a game. You do not get to break the law, skip visits, ignore court orders for treatment, turn your back for months or years, and then make demands about what YOU want. Or to complain about what church your child's foster family attends or call the child's pediatrician to claim the child is being starved in the foster home.
Yes, I am feeling a little bitter. Now you all know the truth about me. I will fight for "my" kids' needs and safety until the day I die. The kids do not have a voice in the child welfare system if I do not speak it for them. These are not our kids and it is a privilege to care for them, not a right, We must earn our way into their hearts and lives and when we do the rewards are overwhelming.
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