Saturday, June 16, 2018

Graduation Day

Last week, our fourth child graduated from high school.   Joshua Samuel Harris.  You would think it would be easier to accept on the fourth time around, but that is just not true.  I still want to rewind back to the days when my little boy was still little.



Joshua has been one of the kindest souls I know for his whole life.  Always empathic and caring towards those who need a little extra love and care.  In sixth grade he was awarded the Norma Simmons award for Outstanding Sixth Grade Boy and we knew that others noticed too.



And then, overnight  it  seems, we were here:


The same two very  kind individuals, Josh and Madeline, were graduating from high school.  I had the very special honor of delivering their diplomas as a recently-appointed school board member:


I must have been afraid that I had not given Josh some imperative nugget of advice because I gave him the following letter on graduation day:

Joshua Samuel-

Here we are. Your graduation.  It is hard to believe that it has been eighteen years since you were delivered to our home and our hearts, and our lives were changed forever.  As we approach your graduation, there are some things I want to tell you:

1)  Congratulations!
Ignore my sniveling and carrying on. In fact, forget everyone and make this about you for a moment. Accept every slap on the back and lean into all those sloppy kisses. Take your victory lap. This is one of the big moments. Drink it all in.

2) We’ve got your back.
You are never alone in this world. There’s a safety net knit tightly of good friends and family who are all ready to reach out when you need that helping hand. Let their great love embolden you in weak moments. And when you get a chance, do the same for someone else. There is almost nothing in the world that will cure what ails you like doing something nice for someone else.

3) Dare mightily.
Dream really, really big, but also live every day with a spirit of wonder and brave resolve too.  A lot of adulthood is not so much an exciting new road but a familiar, well-worn path. Venture to marvel at the simple joys and brace for the sad, scary things that can pop up along the way. Dare to imagine a better you every day.

4) Show up.
We never wanted you to just be a guy. We were always hoping you would be a certain type of guy. So show up for people. Celebrate their successes and ease the burden of their failures. Make them laugh and sit with them when they are sad. Go to boring parties, lame weddings, and uncomfortable dinner parties because someone asked you to be there for them. Just show up. You’ll be amazed at the joy you’ll find from doing the thing you really didn’t want to do.

5) Stay true to yourself.
The young man you have become is exactly who you were supposed to become.  Know what you want and go for it, despite what anyone else says, including me!

6) Be proud of your kindness.
As much as a mother raises her son, so does a son raise his mother.  You have taught me many things as I have watched you grow.  From you I have learned the power of a tender heart as I have witnessed your quiet kindness to others all of your life.  Your teachers throughout grade school always remarked about your concern for the feelings of other children. You attract friends wherever you go, and you are loyal to them.

7) Know that change will come and it can be good.
You have taught me about courage.  Our family life has been marked by transition, and you have endured many changes from a young age.  In your 18 years you have had brothers and sisters come and go from our home.  Change has been constant.  Anyone who has grown up in a large family knows that it is never without trial.   You have navigated these changes with elegance, courage, acceptance, and again humor, when all else failed.  It has been remarkable to watch.  You are stronger than you know.


8) You look so handsome.
Seriously. This one sticks in my throat every time. That picture of you in the paper with all the other graduating seniors? Almost did me in.  You have no idea what it’s like to watch someone grow up before your eyes yet, but I hope you get that privilege. You were a beautiful, perfect boy the minute I met you and your bright, golden light has never dimmed. We are so unspeakably proud of the young man you have become inside and out. And you look great in that cap and gown too. Really, you are rocking it.

9) Some of our memories are mine to keep.
You will not know or remember how hard I fought for you to be my forever son.   How I cried when I was afraid it might not happen. You did not see my determination that I would raise you and your brother together.  The fight in court, the letters written, the love that grew in our hearts immediately.  I will keep those memories for you, but hope you know how very special your inclusion in our family is to us.  You have changed our lives.

10) I love you.
Truly, honestly, deeply. This day. Every day. Forever. Take that knowledge with you into beautiful corners and brave new worlds. Let it warm you on cold nights and lead you out of dark places.

The best is yet to come, sweet boy. Knock ’em dead.
Love, Mom


This is a happy/sad season for moms.  It is so hard to let go, and yet so wonderful to see your  kids grow up into amazing human beings.  If it is your turn next, please know that as hard as it is, there are good times ahead, too.   You can do this!



























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