A Good Day

I don't know if you know this about me, but I am a huge fan of Chip and Joanna Gaines and their show on HGTV called Fixer Upper.  I love watching them transform old, dated homes into beautiful new spaces.  There are lots of metaphors for life within the show.  One of Joanna's favorite sayings is, "Today is a Good Day for a Good Day" and that's how I feel about today.

This morning, Josh was voted onto the Junior Prom Court.  I had to keep it a secret for two whole days and it was not easy.  Isn't he cute?

Sadly, I could not attend the assembly because of a mandatory state meeting in Vancouver.  I have been really heartbroken about having to miss out, but nothing will keep me away from the actual coronation on Prom Night.  I promise not to be too embarrassing.

After my meeting, I stopped at the Vancouver Target to pick up a few things for our trip to the Pizza Show in Vegas next week.  Yes, there is a convention for EVERYTHING, even pizza.  Now, you know it is true.   And in Vegas, no less.  As I entered the checkout line, a woman tapped on my shoulder from behind.  "I know you," she said.  I wracked my brain but came up empty.  Nothing.  "Do you have a foster daughter?" she asked.  Then, "Or....did you?".  I said, " I used to be a foster parent."  I truly had no idea where she was going......She smiled and said, "You were with Angie".  Oh, YES!!!!!!  I told her about Angie's recent adoption and that she was no longer in foster care.

We started talking and she said that she worked at Randall Children's Hospital in the PICU and she remembered us.  "How COULD you?"  I asked.  It has been years since Angie has been in the PICU (Thank God) and thousands of children have come through since.  And yet, she remembered Angie by name and somehow remembered me too.  She had two very busy young children shopping with her so I did not question her about how or why Angie stayed in her memory but I would really love to know.

I know enough though.  I was reminded today that Angie's journey with Sturge-Weber Syndrome and Hemispherectomy surgery has not been for nothing.  God does not waste any opportunity to show His power and grace and I believe that He is using Angie to touch lives that we don't even know about.  I have shared other similar encounters before and I don't think today will be the last.  I am grateful for the reminders that Angie's pain and hard seasons are being used for good.  She is a conduit for hope and joy and we have no idea how many lives she has touched.  We will never know.  I will never get tired of hearing stories of her impact on others and I do not think today's encounter was a coincidence.  It was a Good Day for a Good Day.

Life After Adoption

Miss Angela Hope Harris has now been adopted for 40 days.  Most things about our lives have remained the same as before but a few have changed.  One important benefit of Angie's adoption is that we are able to add her to our private health insurance and hopefully increase her access to vital medical services.  In foster care, Angie's state insurance stopped authorizing laser treatments for her port-wine birthmark  over a year ago, which are very clearly medically indicated and not cosmetic, unless you ask the Oregon Health Plan.  We could not wait for her to be eligible for private insurance.

One small detail......we are losing our access to our current insurance and must change providers this month.  Not such a big deal, except that Angie's adoption paperwork was submitted with the WRONG NAME on it and we have to wait for new documents.  Add to that the stress caused by the requirement that she be added within 60 days of her adoption and you can imagine our distress.  Why is it so complicated???  I truly cannot stand health insurance companies.  And don't even get me started on the uncertainty about healthcare created by the current national leadership.

Despite these concerns, we are experiencing unimaginable joy to know that Angela Hope is our daughter, now and forever.  Despite the hard mornings, and sometimes evenings too, the physical exhaustion of caring for a child with extensive needs, and the unknowns about her future, we could not be happier.  This child captured our hearts from Day One.  She is such a special gift.

I suspect that we will continue to experience this mix of frustration and joy throughout Angie's life.  Most parents do, right?  We have had some pretty unique circumstances, but all parents have their own challenges and experience similar emotions.  Parenting is hard, no matter how you slice it, and we are just grateful for the privilege of guiding this special girl along the way.  Thank you for hanging in there with us during the easy and the hard days......it is what keeps us going day after day.

Angela Hope Harris

I have delayed writing about Angie's adoption ceremony.  I am not sure why.  The day was perfect.  Exactly what we imagined.  Magical.  And now, Angela Hope Harris has realized her dream and we have achieved our heart's desire.

Never again do we have to ask permission to take a family vacation, schedule a haircut, plan educational or medical services, or hire a caregiver.  It feels like freedom.  Do you know what else it feels like?  Terrifying, overwhelming, and hard.  I am not going to sugarcoat it because I committed myself to honesty and transparency when I started this blog.  Parenting this beautiful child is HARD.

Toby and I now are solely responsible to care for this beautiful girl for whom the future is still uncertain.  Her journey through Sturge-Weber Syndrome and its complications will never be complete.  Despite her lifesaving surgery and its success, she is permanently disabled and the challenges will change and develop as she does.  We are not young parents and it can be terrifying if I let myself spend too much time thinking about it.

After major brain surgery, few children escape the behavioral challenges that result from disrupting the structures of the brain.  It is almost inevitable.  My reality right now is that Miss Angela Hope expresses her hate for me almost every morning as we plod through our morning routine.  Sometimes she throws in some name-calling that could make a sailor blush.  She does not hate me permanently, in fact she usually loves me again before the bus comes to take her to school.  Before that, though, I can easily become defeated.  Trying to get her dressed, medicated, and prepared for her day can feel like too much to manage some days.  Sometimes the behavior is repeated at bedtime.  It is overwhelming and it is HARD.

Sometimes I wonder what I think I am doing, pretending to know how to parent such a complicated child with complex needs.  What makes me qualified?  Am I qualified?  I still don't know.  But do any of us?  I think it just comes down to putting one foot in front of the other and taking on the obstacles as they come.  We are all the same in that regard.  Kids surprise us on a daily basis and we do our best to pretend we are prepared all along.  Parenting 2.0.

I am thankful for this life.  God chose me to be a mother to Angela Hope Harris and I am grateful for the honor.  Toby and I are fully committed to her.  We will walk into the future with her knowing that there will be hard days but they will not overshadow the blessings.  She was and is, most definitely, worth the wait.

What Does Adoption Mean?

Adoption has been at the forefront of my mind recently, for obvious reasons.  It seems almost surreal to be so close to Angie's adoption becoming a reality after many long months of delays and detours.  Eighteen months to be exact.  To an outsider adoption can seem to be a simple legalization of a relationship in a formal ceremony but it is actually much more complicated than that.

I have been going through our family pictures as I work on a project for Angie's adoption.  Family pictures call up a spectrum of emotions as the times and places of the past are revisited.  Our pictures revive memories of our boys' adoptions and their entries into our lives as infants, Josh at five months old and Levi as a newborn.  We have a ton of pictures and image after image tells the story.  Our boys, and Angie after them, were immediately loved and accepted by our family and friends.  They gained more than just parents when they entered our home, they gained a village.

The images I love most are those that bring to life the pure joy of our biological children upon meeting and getting to know their new siblings.  With each addition there was new little person to love and they rose to the occasion without exception.  Playing in the snow, hunting for Easter eggs, opening Christmas gifts, graduations, vacations in the sun and teaching them what it means to be a Harris.  Our children have been permanently changed by the experience of adoption and I think they would say the adoptions have had a positive impact.  I don't mean to gloss over the challenges.  There have been difficulties and disappointments to be sure.  Adoption is not for the faint of heart, but it is worth every challenge, struggle, and uncertainty.

Angie's adoption process has been far different than our first two adoptions.  Who is to say when it truly began?  When she entered our home and hearts as a newborn?  When we became a permanent foster placement for her?  When we asked to adopt her the first time?  The second?  Or third?  Or when she stated she did not want to be in foster care anymore?  Our commitment to her has been real and unwavering all along and only God knew how her future would play out.

The stark difference in Angie's adoption is that she understands exactly what it means to be adopted.  Eighteen months ago, while driving in the car, Angie told me, "Mom, I don't want to be a foster kid anymore", and I knew that we had to prevail in our quest to adopt her.  I would ask again.  I did, and here we are.  Angie has shared our frustration at what seems to be an endless process.  She has advocated to change her name and she has shared her excitement to become Angela Hope Harris.  Our girl, in true form, has taken charge of this matter and has let us know she will not be defeated by difficult circumstances.

This is what adoption means......finding the people you belong with and making them yours.  Gaining a village of people who make you feel special.  Having siblings to share the journey with and to cheer you on.  And, knowing exactly who you are and what you want.  The legal ceremony is just the ritual that marks the end of the process.

We are beyond excited for Angie's adoption and we hope you will join us on our special day.

Farewell 2016

I know that we still have a couple of weeks left in 2016 but I am ready to say good-bye.  2016 has not been my favorite and I am done with it.  There has been political unrest, too much violence, personal disappointments, family illness, and frustrating unfinished business.  Farewell 2016, you can go now.

This time of year always makes me a little bit nostalgic and this year is the same I guess, despite the disappointments.  I am not unable to appreciate the blessings that have been bestowed on me and my family.  We are strong despite the challenges of the past year and we have not been toppled by the hard days.  I am proud of my children and their responses to discouraging situations.  My sons and daughters are resilient and they depend on one another for strength.  This makes me proud and fills my heart.  2016 has not broken us.

I have some specific hopes and dreams for 2017.  Angie's wish to be adopted will be realized and she will legally become our daughter after spending over 3100 days in foster care.  My grandson, Ezra, will be healthy and happy after a treacherous and unpredictable first year of life.  The monstrous remodeling project that has hijacked our Christmas will be completed and our home will be dust-free at last.  My parents health will be stable.  Our businesses will prosper.  My boys will continue to develop into the amazing young men they are becoming and my three adult daughters would be happy and fulfilled.  Too much to ask?

I have few other hopes too........that our community could find healing and we could learn to accept and forgive one another.  That children in foster care would always have a loving alternative home where they are safe and that the justice system would do its job and punish those who inflict pain on others.  That we could all set our political views aside and realize we are more alike than we are different.

Okay, I am asking for a lot, but I have learned that if you do not ask the answer is always NO.  I am going to dream big for 2017 and see what happens.  Farewell 2016.

There is a memory that I have not been able to get out of my mind so I have determined that I must be meant to share it.  When Angie was almost two years old she had her tonsils and adenoids removed and for some unexplained reason she became really sick the next day.  We expected to go home from the hospital on the morning following the procedure and the next thing we knew, the emergency response team was being called to Angie's room.  She was in severe respiratory distress and was immediately moved to the intensive care unit.  She would stay there for almost a month.

While Angie was sick, we were given daily updates on her condition each morning.  Day after day we received bad news and the doctors (who were amazing) continued to switch up her treatment plan to try to bring her back to us.  Angie had severe pneumonia and her lungs had collapsed due to the infection.  During this time, Angie was heavily sedated and her breathing was completely managed by machines.  She was barely there.

One day, I mistakenly received a text message that Toby meant to send to one of our close friends that said, "It does not look good for her future and I don't think Kara knows".  I knew.  But how do you accept that you may not bring your child home from the hospital?  No one wants to admit that.

Eventually, Angie fought back and she began to get better.  Just when we thought the worst was over, she developed a hospital-borne infection in her blood due to a central line that was placed in her groin  to deliver her medications.  She was also physically dependent on pain medications and she had to be slowly weaned to avoid withdrawals before she could go home.  Again, we waited.  During this time, I spent most of my days in a hospital chair holding my girl, after three long weeks when I could only pull my chair up next to her bed and hold her hand.  I had hours upon hours to do nothing but think.

For some reason these long days and my thoughts during that time have remained firmly ingrained in my memory.  As I rocked my baby girl, I tried to imagine her life in the years ahead and I couldn't.  I had no idea if or how she would survive.  We were still dealing with catastrophic seizures that did not respond to medication.  Her neurologist did not believe she was a candidate for surgery and the powers that be at DHS believed she should have a Do Not Resuscitate order developed to prevent life-saving measures when the next major seizure occurred.  They did not believe she could have a quality life.  The days were long and I treasured the moments that I believed could be some of the last I would have with Angie.  I was scared, but I had an overwhelming feeling that her story was not over.

I will never forget those days,  They are so vivid in my mind.  I am convinced that her story was not over but I could not imagine the next chapter.  Now, I know that she has been the recipient of a miracle.  There is no doubt in my mind.

After Angie's lifesaving surgery, we were thrilled by her amazing recovery.  Last summer, when we attended the 2016 Hemispherectomy Conference, we realized that her recovery has just begun.  The research and information that we have now has opened doors for her that are limitless.  Angie's school has taken the information to develop a program for her that completely meets her needs.  Because of the information we have gained from the sponsors, the Brain Recovery Project, we have started new therapies that have literally changed Angie's life.

Tomorrow is Giving Tuesday.  It is a day that is meant to highlight organizations and to raise money for worthy causes.  I ask you, will you give?  Our family, and many like ours, have benefited from the activities of the BRP and there is much more to be done.   Please consider a gift on Angie's behalf, to honor her miracle and to continue the important work that still need to be done to her children with catastrophic epilepsy.  We would be so grateful.

We are preparing for Angie's adoption in full force now.  Yesterday, my photographer friend captured some family pictures that will celebrate the formal addition of Angie to the Harris family.  It was one of the best days I can remember in a very long time.  Every single member of our family together in one place.  Children and Grandchildren laughing and loving each other. In a beautiful barn. Then, dinner together afterwards.

As you might imagine, this is a really emotional time for me.  We were recently given Angie's DHS file, which included documentation of every hospital admission, every diagnosis, every seizure, near-death experiences, and the recommendation for a DNR order for our precious child.  The file included documentation of the fight we waged against the order.  I forced myself to read every word and feel all of the feelings.  And I cried.  But what I realized was this........she has transformed our family.  We will never again be the family that existed before Angie.

Because Angie has been in foster care for over eight years, we have had regular appointments in the county courtroom and before the Citizen Review Board.  We have had so many people involved in our lives and all have known every detail of Angie's history.  Something that Toby and I have heard repeatedly (and strongly disagree with) is that we have "saved her".  No.  We have not saved her.  In fact, the opposite is true.  Angie Rae soon-to-be Harris has saved our family.  Saved us from becoming complacent and discontent.  Saved us from taking our daily lives for granted.  And saved us from a life without miracles.

Make no mistake, this child has had miracle after miracle bestowed on her as she has cheated death and overcome extreme challenges.  We have become the recipients of God's grace as we have prayed for her to stay with us forever.  We are blessed and better for her presence.

Toby and I were not seeking to add another child to our family when Angie came into our home.   We thought our family was complete with the five children we had.  But God knew better.  He did not want to leave us without bestowing his grace and mercy on us through Angie and all that she has taught us.  He knew we needed the hope and the wonder that would come with caring for her.

We are so grateful. Every. Single. Day.  We look forward to sharing Angie's official adoption date with you very, very soon.