I want to tell you the story of How It All Began. Back in 1999, Toby and I, along with our 3 girls, decided that we would do foster care for children who could not live with their biological parents. Our family had provided short-term respite care for infants and toddlers for several months and felt this was the next step for us. We completed the licensing process in February 2000 and after one short-term placement of a newborn, this little bundle of joy arrived in our home:
We were in love. One week into the placement, Toby determined that this child could never leave our home. I did not argue. We never intend to adopt a child, but this child had already adopted us. He was ours. He just fit. If you know anything about the government child welfare system, you know that it was not as easy as I make it sound. We researched. We advocated. We fought-for two years. We would have begged if it would have made a difference. The child we had chained our hearts to was a Native American and there are strict laws protecting Native American children from being taken from their families and their heritage. But still. Eventually, we wrote a letter to the tribe, including pictures of our family. We told them about our love for this precious child and our desire to raise him in a wonderful community surrounded with friends and family who loved him deeply. It worked. They agreed and released him and gave our family their blessing. One hurdle crossed, but there was more. He still had two biological parents who believed that he should come home to them. And they had rights.
One of Joshua's biological parents relinquished their rights to him by not showing up to the termination trial. The other did not. We prevailed and were awarded the right to adopt him. Our hearts soared but it was not a victory because someone else's dreams were destroyed. Two parents who loved their child lost an opportunity. Their choices and their histories were not conducive to parenting but they have no idea exactly what was lost and they never will. We did not "win".
Tomorrow is Joshua Samuel Harris's 14th birthday. So fitting-Valentine's Day. If you know Joshua, you know his tender heart. You know his quick smile and his easy way of talking to his peers and to adults. His words are few and carefully chosen but when he speaks to you, you know that he cares. He has experienced challenges as the sibling to two children with significant special needs, and it has made him a better person instead of making him bitter. He is empathetic and patient beyond his years. I am protective of him because he would quickly give up what is important to him for the good of another. I watch him play basketball, or anything else for that matter, and I am filled with pride at his positive attitude and resistance to adversity. He does not give up or give in. He is a pleasure and a blessing to parent.
This is How It All Began. Joshua's arrival was the beginning of a journey we never imagined, and that we would not trade for the world. His arrival in our lives planted the seed that has grown into a beautiful garden. A garden that we did not plan for, but that provides the beauty and new life that now defines our family.
Happy Birthday, Joshua Samuel. You are loved more than you know.
No comments:
Post a Comment