The Quiet

Here we are now, in 2015, living a new normal.  I read the Facebook posts about New Year's resolutions and think how lucky others are to be in charge of their lives, when ours is so clearly in charge of us right now.  We have the usual responsibilities of work and child care, with the added two trips to Portland each week to visit Levi and numerous phone calls and emails to monitor and facilitate the services he needs.  And then the quiet.....

Our house is so quiet with only two children living in it.  Personal items are put away and the chaos has nearly disappeared from our existence.  We relax at night and know that we will not be interrupted by a sudden need to respond to a crisis.  And yet, as enjoyable as the quiet is, we are sad.  We miss Levi's smile and his quick action to help Angie when she needs something.  The comments on current events and the random trivia facts have left us.  Our child is sleeping many miles away and we cannot check on him before going to bed.

I think that every situation, individual, and decision is both positive and negative.  Nothing is all of one or the other.  Our current situation is no different.  Levi is attending a school that is meeting his specific needs and he has access to services he could never get at home.  He is making friends and HE LIKES SCHOOL!  All of that is so good and I am grateful.  Angie and Josh are relieved of the need to protect themselves from hurtful words and actions when Levi was unable to manage his behavior and I am grateful for that too.  Toby and I no longer are torn between maintaining calm in the home and upholding the rules we have in place for our kids-we can do both.

We have made the right decision for our family for this time.  Toby and I are grateful for the thoughtful, compassionate messages we have received from you and please know how much it means to us to know you are thinking of us.  We are trying to help Josh and Angie adapt to the changes and they may (understandably) struggle until it makes some kind of sense to them.  Angie, especially, has reacted with frustration and some undesired behaviors.  This new territory, so we are not exactly sure how to help her through this.  It is all so hard.

We are learning how to parent differently, from a distance.  It is okay to ask us about Levi and the program he is in. It is not a secret and it is not punitive.  He has done nothing wrong.  That was his biological mother.  Please do let us know you are thinking of him, as you have.  We are so thankful for each of you and for your ongoing support.