Getting Real and Honest

The last time I wrote we had just returned home from the hospital.  Angie's pneumonia lasted for 15 days!!! She returned to school for the first time today and tonight she is completely exhausted.  This was a really long, scary illness.

It took me back to the days where we did not turn a calendar page without a hospital admission.  I was reminded that we have not escaped danger, we have just entered a phase with nice long breaks between episodes of scary.  This time, we won.  And yet......

I have to be honest.  I scroll by most of the posts about your children's accomplishments.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy for you and I don't believe for a minute that you should not share your joy on Facebook or Instagram.  But it hurts.  It is hard for me to see the pictures of farm ball games, ballet recitals, spelling bees, play dates, and family outings to the rock-climbing facility.  That is not and will not be our life.  Please do not un-friend me.  I can handle it and I do enjoy seeing your kids shine.

Angie is able to do so much more than we ever imagined.  Still, she is not able to do most of the sports and activities enjoyed by other All-American children.  She is not invited for play dates and she does not look forward to slumber parties or sleepovers.

Being a parent of a child with special needs is emotionally exhausting and we have two of them.  Angie's medical concerns are sometimes dwarfed by the very different, but also huge, challenges that Levi experiences.  We regularly field calls from the school and must be prepared to head over there for meetings about the latest crisis.  We are threatened and insulted during fits of anger.  We are fiercely aware of the need to protect the rest of the family from harm.  We dread the day that our child could inadvertently hurt someone without meaning to.  We are tired.

We chose this life, knowing that it could wear us down.  Please don't mistake my words for regret.  We did not walk blindly into a life that causes us to stay awake at night fretting about our children's futures.  But, wouldn't it be nice if we had a magic wand to wave all of the ugly away?

Please keep posting about your children.  There is hope in knowing that our community is thriving.  I love to see the evidence and your children are amazing.  Thank you for sharing them with me.