My worst fear

My worst fear was realized today-Angie's seizures returned in full force.  She was "off" when she woke up this morning and the first seizure started shortly after.  For the next several hours, I tried to convince myself that it might not have been a seizure and she just had a virus.  I kept her home from school, trusting my intuition that something was just not right.

Then, around noon, the next one hit and I knew.  They are back.  We had a good run, 3 1/2 years without a seizure.  We always knew, though, that Angie's disease would progress and that she could have more seizures.  The reality just sucks the breath out of me.  Why?

Yesterday at work, a mom came in for her child's appointment and the child was having a seizure.  I went to the mom and talked with her as she gave the rescue medication and we watched as the child recovered and eventually began to play.  I have talked with her about Angie and her seizures before and we shared our experiences as we observed her little one.  It seems ironic in hindsight, or maybe not.  Maybe God was preparing me for my day today.  He just amazes me.

Angie has slept most of the afternoon and evening and I have been close by keeping watch over her.  This changes everything.  The amount of supervision she needs.  The people that must be warned of the signs of seizure.  Our ability to sleep at night and not worry about what the morning will bring.   Do I change into my pajamas or do I need to stay dressed in case a midnight trip to the hospital is in order?  Truly, this is the way of life for families of children who experience seizures.  And there is more, but I will not let my mind go there now.

Thankfully, Angie has an appointment with her neurologist on Wednesday.  I called today to let the him know what was happening and the nurse said he will probably want to increase the dosage of her seizure medication and possibly order some tests.  So it continues.

I am grateful for you, my friends and family.  You have been with us throughout the journey and I know you will stand by as we move forward with the latest challenge.  Thank you for sharing your strength and encouragement when we need it most.