Through the Blur

"Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did – that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that – a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.”
― Debra Ginsberg

I love this quote.  Isn't it true?  I am really feeling it right now.  Our kids' needs are changing and growing all at once and I can barely keep up with myself.  The emotions are HUGE.

Two weeks into first grade, we need to make adjustments to Angie's routine.  It is not working.  Regardless of the gains she has made, Angie is going to need a lot of special instruction to be successful.  School is hard!  Have you noticed that the skills we learned in 3rd grade are now taught in 1st grade, or even Kindergarten?  Crazy!  As a parent, it is always hard to hear that your child is struggling.  I consider myself to be pretty knowledgeable as far as understanding special needs and learning disabilities.  I realize now, though, that it doesn't matter how much you know......it is the heart that feels the pain and there is no escaping.  I am really grieving right now for the challenges that will be ongoing for Angie and I feel helpless to take them away.

We will transition Levi from his group home to our home over the next month. The process must be carefully planned in order to be successful and it rests heavily on my heart.  We want to be assured that Levi will have all of the supports he needs to be successful and our family will have to make some changes for it to work.  There is so much to do.  This is a very personal, private matter so I will not share many details, but know this.........we want him home with us. 

We are relying heavily on our schools to collaborate with us to help our kids.  This is where I am most hopeful.  Our school staff is amazing.  I know that the town of Clatskanie has been the subject of some negative news stories lately but let me tell you that the shining star of our community is our schools. Toby and I are grateful for the encouragement and support we have received as we have advocated for our kids over the years.  I hear a lot of horror stories about terrible, contentious IEP meetings and families who cannot get what their children need at school.  That has never been our experience. We are confident that we will have productive meetings for both Angie and Levi and that their needs will be met at school.

In the midst of the storm, Toby and I went away to Sonoma last week.  We had the best time and we were truly able to leave our worries behind and enjoy the beauty of wine country with our friends, Kyle and Christin.  The wine was pretty good, too!

Please pray for our family as we move ahead to advocate for our kids.  It is a never-ending process that will exhaust even the most robust parent.  Honestly, I feel weak and unprepared but I know that God is by my side and He will help me along.  Without my faith, I would throw in the towel here and now.  With faith, I will move forward, one step at a time.