There is one thing that we can be sure of in the Harris household-THINGS WILL CHANGE. That's just the kind of family we are. We assume that what is "normal" today will have a completely different definition tomorrow. Toby has often joked that he counts the heads of our children when he comes home at night because he never knows how many there will be. I am so glad we are that kind of family.
We received a precious 2 year-old in our home last week. "Little Miss" is the first child we have had placed in our home in many months, due to the complicated needs of the other kids. She is an amazing, resilient child and we are thrilled to have her, but now more than ever I am struck by the pain that foster care placement brings to a family, especially her mother. Because she is with us, her mom aches with the loss. She worries, prays, and wishes for her child to be returned. There is a myth that foster parents want to keep kids from their families and that could not be farther from the truth. I worry, pray, and ache for the same things. This little one needs her momma, but she also needs to be healthy and safe. Life is so complicated.
While we wait for the Child Welfare department to decide her future, we have expanded our family to include one more. It is encouraging to watch my children interact and bond with the foster children in our home. They have so much love to share and it makes me proud to watch them pour it on. They are compassionate and kind as they help the children to feel comfortable in a completely foreign place. Angie included, despite being displaced as the baby of the family. She has accepted this new family member unconditionally, without jealousy or resentment. She adores her and tells her often:) It has been so good for Angie to have a playmate and a friend. They are learning from each other and my heart is happy as I watch their relationship grow.
I am passionate about foster care and about helping families become healthy and whole. It is tough business, though. To become a foster parent, you must be willing to have your heart broken over and over again. To continue being a foster parent, you must be able to admit that you cannot fix other people and that you will often not agree with the outcome of the child's case. Many find that this is a deal-breaker and I understand why they do. The system does not always honor the child's interests and the laws can be contrary to what seems to be common sense.
We have been foster parents for 14 years now. Over the years, we have hosted nearly 50 children in our home and some of them have returned more than once. A few will stay forever. Our hearts have been broken by some of them. Others have moved on and have kept in touch over the years. I love to remember the children who returned to their parents and never came back into foster care because the parents changed their lives and sustained the changes. Those are the foster care success stories. This is what I hope for "Little Miss". That we will witness a life change that allows her to be with her momma, who loves her so much. And then, we can move on to our next assignment and another new normal.
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