Broken brains=broken behavior

There is a theme in my life right now and it is most unwelcome-apologizing for my children's behavior.  I am a strong believer that children need to take responsibility for their actions,  and I try to make sure they do, but I still feel the need to apologize for them.  It may sound like an exaggeration, but my children's behavior truly does require an apology almost every day.  I cannot stand to have others' feelings hurt or have them inconvenienced by my children-or by anyone, really.  It is inexcusable.

On any given day, my children might spit, hit, yell profanity, throw items, run away, or refuse to comply with requests or complete schoolwork.  They might lock you out of the house.  I am often the recipient of the behaviors but when it is someone else, I am horrified.  Embarrassed, ashamed, mortified, angry, upset-you name it, I feel it.  I have to apologize, even though that won't "fix" the situation.  I want to take away the hurt.

Behavior is based in the brain, both positive and negative.  This is true for all humans, young and old.  Most children learn from past experience, modeling, or consequences which behaviors they should and should not repeat.  For children with brain dysfunction, this is much harder.  Not impossible, but extremely challenging.  My children have brains that are broken, and this fact breaks my heart on a daily basis.  Their brain dysfunction impairs their ability to learn behavioral norms and control their impulses and behavior.   Fortunately, the target of their negative behavior is almost always an adult and they are not physically aggressive towards children.  But still.

I am overcome by the emotions created by my kids' negative behaviors.  I am sad for them that they have challenges that impact every area of functioning. I am angry at the birth mother that caused a disability that is 100% preventable.  I am grateful for the understanding and compassion of the teams of people who work with my children.  And I am thankful for a God who knows and sees everything and who loves my children more than my mind can comprehend.

If my children have hurt or offended you, I am sorry.  I will continue to apologize and then will turn to my children concentrate my energy on helping them learn new coping skills and improved self-control.  We will get there, one baby step at a time.